Q: Were you born in the U.S.? If not, where were you born?
A: Yes, I was “made” in Korea and born in Frankfort, KY – my mother came here when she was 5 months pregnant with me.
Q: What different cities, states, and/or countries have you lived in?
A: I have lived in Frankfort, KY; Philadelphia, PA; Los Angeles, CA; Laramie, WY; Brookings, SD; Houston, TX; Rochester, MN
Q: Which do you consider your hometown (‘the place you most consider home’):
A: Brookings, SD
Q: Involvements in clubs or organizations (ethnic or non-ethnic apply):
A: In college, I was involved in the Pre-Dental Club, Microbiology Club, Society of Women Engineers (SWE), Computer Science Club, College Democrats and Association of Computing Machinery (ACM)
Q: Parents’ occupation:
A: My father is a Computer Science professor and my mother is a stay at home mom.
Q: What gives purpose to your life?
A: All the relationships I have in my life – family, friends, significant others – are what make me feel I have a life purpose. The expectations I have from these relationships drive me and guide me through life.
Q: What relationships have been of major significance to you?
A: The relationship I have with my parents is one that is not only the most important to me, but it is also the one that bears the most significance. They are more or less an anchor for me when it comes to my Korean heritage; however, at the same time, they provide a contrast to the non-Korean side of my life. My parents allow me to compare and contrast the different cultures I’ve been raised in even though they represent the Korean side of my life.
Q: What is the racial and ethnic background of your closest friends? If they are of multiple ethnic backgrounds feel free to indicate their backgrounds.
A: My closest friends are Caucasian. They are primarily from the Midwest (Scandinavian and German descent).
Q: When and how did you become aware of concepts of your race and/or ethnicity?
A: I was aware of my cultural/racial identity at a very young age. My parents told me that I was first and foremost Korean. They have always made it clear for me to respect my Korean heritage and be proud of it.
Q: What language do your parents speak at home? What is their predominant language on an everyday basis?
A: My parents speak Korean at home. I would say their predominant language is Korean – my father obviously speaks English at work, but when my parents communicate with each other it is in Korean.
Q: What languages do you speak? What language do you speak most at home?
A: I speak Korean and English. My family and I speak only Korean at home with the exception of when we have non-Korean speaking guests.
Q: Do you feel like their expectations of gender roles are ‘traditional’?
A: No, I do not. My parents are proud that I have graduated from college and have started a career. They want me to continue with my career even if I get married and have children later. They re-emphasize time and time again that I need to be independent – I have to be responsible for myself and be able to support myself.
Q: Have they ever expressed career expectations for you? What were those expectations?
A: Yes, my parents have expressed career expectations for me since a very young age. They had the expectation that I would earn a college degree at the very least in either the sciences or engineering with the exception of law.
Q: Have you ever dated outside of your ethnicity?
A: I have dated two Koreans and my other relationships as well as my current have been with Caucasian males.
Q: If you answered yes, did your parents accept and respect your choice?
A: No. Ideally, my parents would like me to “settle down” with a Korean; however, they are picky when it even comes to even dating a Korean. He cannot be an international student from Korea and preferably have a similar situation as me – born in the US or immigrated to the US at a very young age. As of lately though, they are coming around and are definitely more acceptable of my current boyfriend who is Caucasian.
Q: If you answered no, can you recall a time where you were interested in dating someone of another ethnicity but felt pressure from others not to date that person based on their ethnicity?
A: No, I do not think I have ever NOT dated somebody because of their ethnicity despite my parents’ wishes.
Q: What is your educational status?
A: I have a B.S. in Computer Science and Biology and a minor in Mathematics. I am currently pursuing a MBA.
Q: How do you define academic success?
A: I feel academic success is achieved when one can truly say he/she has walked away with a greater sense of knowledge of a given topic. I am also a believer that grades do reflect the effort you put in (greater effort = success) because you should “earn” your grades.
Q: How do you define success in general?
A: There are different metrics I use to measure success. I will list them without any specific order of significance:
* I think the relationships that one has is a measure of success. It is not necessarily the quantity but quality. These relationships can range from family and friends to colleagues. I feel if you have “healthy” relationships (relationships based on integrity and loyalty) in all facets of life that is a sign of success.
* Reaching and exceeding goals set by oneself and his/her relationships.
Q: Throughout your time in school, how often did you encounter people who assumed you were smart because you were Asian?
A: There have been a few times that people have assumed I was smart because I was Asian; however, many of these times, it was said in a joking manner. I cannot think of one significant incidence, but a general example would be when a professor would be handing back exams or post scores from the last exam, people would ask me if I got the highest score in class. Sometimes, if I did well on an exam or assignment, people would joke and say that I’d have to try to get a bad grade because I’m Asian.
Q: Have you visited the country or countries of your ethnic origin/s?
A: Yes.
Q: How knowledgeable are you about the history of the country or countries?
A: I am fairly knowledgeable of the history through information from my family and self-study.
Q: Please list at least 3 feelings you had while visiting.
A: I felt that objectively I fit in with the social backdrop, but subjectively, I felt like there was a small disconnect. Despite all the previous feelings I mentioned, there is a comfort level that I experienced being immersed in a society of my country of ethnic origin.
Q: On average, how long did it take before you felt others knew you were American?
A: Because I am very fluent in the spoken language, many people did not know that I was actually American until I told them that I was just visiting from the States.
Q: If you were born in America, did anyone ever assume you weren’t American because you are Asian?
A: Yes.
Q: How were you treated?
A: They treated me like anyone else. Again, I think this goes back to the fact that I was able to effectively communicate with them.
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are of your ethnic group? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: Yes. 3.
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are Asian? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: Yes. 3.
Q: Do you listen to music, watch movies, eat the food of your ethnic country or countries? How often do you do these things on a regular basis on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very often)?
A: Yes, I listen to music, watch movies/shows, and eat Korean food. 4.
Q: If you were born in America, did anyone ever assume you weren’t American because you are Asian? (same question posed above, but this applies to experiences in America). Please give a brief description of this incident.
A: Yes. I was treated as if I didn’t understand what the person was saying. I was up in the payroll office when I started my campus job in college and the lady who was helping me said I could only work if I was a permanent resident or US citizen. I told her I was, but she proceeded to tell me I needed to have a green card or have a US passport. When I showed her my passport, she said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. You just don’t look American.”
Q: Do you believe that one’s emotional needs are less important than fulfilling one’s responsibilities?
A: For me, I get emotional fulfillment from performing my responsibilities.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
31 yr. old Japanese American female
Q: Were you born in the U.S.?
A: Yes
Q: What different cities, states, and/or countries have you lived in?
A: Castro Valley, Hayward, Pleasanton, San Francisco; California, Illinois, and Idaho.
Q: Which do you consider your hometown (‘the place you most consider home’): A: Pleasanton, CA.
Q: Involvements in clubs or organizations (ethnic or non-ethnic apply):
A: Psi Chi, CJSA, PSSA, JusticeCorps, SFUL- San Francisco Ultimate League, etc.
Q: Parents’ occupation:
A: Father is a dentist (general practitioner) and my mother is the office manager to his practice (the backbone).
Q: What relationships have been of major significance to you?
A: My family of course, we are extremely close, and a close friendship with a girl named Laura and my boyfriend Michael.
Q: What is the racial and ethnic background of your closest friends? If they are of multiple ethnic backgrounds feel free to indicate their backgrounds.
A: Most of my friends are white/European mutts. I don't really have any close friends that are Asian.
Q: When and how did you become aware of concepts of your race and/or ethnicity?
A: Embarrassing as this will sound, I grew up in a white dominant area, never once was I told that I was different. Always viewed myself as being white… until fairly recently, in my mid 20's. I've been told jokingly by my friends that I am "white-washed".
Q: What language do your parents speak at home? What is their predominant language on an everyday basis?
A: English, and when things get heated, sometimes Japanese. (rarity)
Q: What languages do you speak? What language do you speak most at home?
A: English
Q: Do you feel like their expectations of gender roles are ‘traditional’?
A: Yes
Q: Have you ever dated outside of your ethnicity?
A: Yes, my boyfriend is a European Mutt.
Q: If you answered yes, did your parents accept and respect your choice?
A: Not necessarily… (it's not because of his race, it is because he is in between jobs right now).
Q: What is your educational status?
A: AA soon to have dual BA's- Criminal Justice and Psychology…
Q: How do you define academic success?
A: The knowledge that I take away with me after I am finished and of course, good grades.
Q: Throughout your time in school, how often did you encounter people who assumed you were smart because you were Asian?
A: A few times too many- some idiot cheated off my scantron in my economics class at Cal State Hayward. We were called in b/c our answers were identical. I knew the professor so he was more lenient on me… not sure what happened to the idiot who copied me.
Q: Have you visited the country or countries of your ethnic origin/s?
A: Yes, numerous of times.
Q: How knowledgeable are you about the history of the country or countries?
A: Fairly knowledgeable.
Q: Please list at least 3 feelings you had while visiting.
A: Excitement, educational, and fun!
Q: On average, how long did it take before you felt others knew you were American?
A: Minutes…Seconds.
Q: If you were born in America, did anyone ever assume you weren’t American because you are Asian?
A: Not that I am aware of.
Q: How were you treated?
Oh wait, YES! At Cal State Hayward, there are a lot of Asians who are not fluent in English. I remember being in line at the admin building for the registrars. The lady was real frustrated b/c she just dealt with a girl who didn't speak a dime of English. When she saw me step forward after the other gal left, she rolled her eyes and assumed I couldn't speak English as well. At first I was going to mess with her and talk broken language, but instead I spoke to her normally and she did a triple take. I think that was more of an eye opener for her… (At first I was pissed, but then realized if placed in the same situation, I probably would have felt the same way).
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are of your ethnic group? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: No, not at all. 1
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are Asian? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: 1
Q: Do you listen to music, watch movies, eat the food of your ethnic country or countries? How often do you do these things on a regular basis on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very often)?
A: I love Japanese food, I would eat it every day if it weren't so gosh darn expensive. I do not listen to the music nor do I watch TV/movies. I can't understand them.
A: Yes
Q: What different cities, states, and/or countries have you lived in?
A: Castro Valley, Hayward, Pleasanton, San Francisco; California, Illinois, and Idaho.
Q: Which do you consider your hometown (‘the place you most consider home’): A: Pleasanton, CA.
Q: Involvements in clubs or organizations (ethnic or non-ethnic apply):
A: Psi Chi, CJSA, PSSA, JusticeCorps, SFUL- San Francisco Ultimate League, etc.
Q: Parents’ occupation:
A: Father is a dentist (general practitioner) and my mother is the office manager to his practice (the backbone).
Q: What relationships have been of major significance to you?
A: My family of course, we are extremely close, and a close friendship with a girl named Laura and my boyfriend Michael.
Q: What is the racial and ethnic background of your closest friends? If they are of multiple ethnic backgrounds feel free to indicate their backgrounds.
A: Most of my friends are white/European mutts. I don't really have any close friends that are Asian.
Q: When and how did you become aware of concepts of your race and/or ethnicity?
A: Embarrassing as this will sound, I grew up in a white dominant area, never once was I told that I was different. Always viewed myself as being white… until fairly recently, in my mid 20's. I've been told jokingly by my friends that I am "white-washed".
Q: What language do your parents speak at home? What is their predominant language on an everyday basis?
A: English, and when things get heated, sometimes Japanese. (rarity)
Q: What languages do you speak? What language do you speak most at home?
A: English
Q: Do you feel like their expectations of gender roles are ‘traditional’?
A: Yes
Q: Have you ever dated outside of your ethnicity?
A: Yes, my boyfriend is a European Mutt.
Q: If you answered yes, did your parents accept and respect your choice?
A: Not necessarily… (it's not because of his race, it is because he is in between jobs right now).
Q: What is your educational status?
A: AA soon to have dual BA's- Criminal Justice and Psychology…
Q: How do you define academic success?
A: The knowledge that I take away with me after I am finished and of course, good grades.
Q: Throughout your time in school, how often did you encounter people who assumed you were smart because you were Asian?
A: A few times too many- some idiot cheated off my scantron in my economics class at Cal State Hayward. We were called in b/c our answers were identical. I knew the professor so he was more lenient on me… not sure what happened to the idiot who copied me.
Q: Have you visited the country or countries of your ethnic origin/s?
A: Yes, numerous of times.
Q: How knowledgeable are you about the history of the country or countries?
A: Fairly knowledgeable.
Q: Please list at least 3 feelings you had while visiting.
A: Excitement, educational, and fun!
Q: On average, how long did it take before you felt others knew you were American?
A: Minutes…Seconds.
Q: If you were born in America, did anyone ever assume you weren’t American because you are Asian?
A: Not that I am aware of.
Q: How were you treated?
Oh wait, YES! At Cal State Hayward, there are a lot of Asians who are not fluent in English. I remember being in line at the admin building for the registrars. The lady was real frustrated b/c she just dealt with a girl who didn't speak a dime of English. When she saw me step forward after the other gal left, she rolled her eyes and assumed I couldn't speak English as well. At first I was going to mess with her and talk broken language, but instead I spoke to her normally and she did a triple take. I think that was more of an eye opener for her… (At first I was pissed, but then realized if placed in the same situation, I probably would have felt the same way).
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are of your ethnic group? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: No, not at all. 1
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are Asian? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: 1
Q: Do you listen to music, watch movies, eat the food of your ethnic country or countries? How often do you do these things on a regular basis on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very often)?
A: I love Japanese food, I would eat it every day if it weren't so gosh darn expensive. I do not listen to the music nor do I watch TV/movies. I can't understand them.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
"My American identity, My Everyday Life"- 30 yr. old Chinese American female
* the one bush place building the background, my favorite skyscraper in san francisco.
*muni bus - as much as I complain about its lameness, I like encountering all sorts of people and being challenged to (hopefully) not live in my own bubble...it's hard not be challenged when the bus drives through mid market area. the 6 is my usual bus home
*my journal (opened to a blank page - I'm more forward than backward looking), and my bible (it seems cliche-y but despite the many faults of the church, I really love the type of person that jesus is). that gives meaning to my life, I suppose.
*a protest for rent control rights in front of city hall. I really cherish the fact that we can freely speak our mind here, have a mostly working legal system, and have full rights as a woman of color. (I wanted to include a picture of my church choir - it is a real interesting mix of people and I love watching them. unfortunately I dashed out of the house on sunday morning without a camera, and couldn't find pictures on the web..sorry =(
"Society sees my ethnic group as, I see my ethnic group as..."- 30 yr. old Chinese American female
*a packet of milk tea, one of my favorite drinks that reminds me of"home" (that being hong kong). packet b/c it's not really the real thing (as I and others from home perceive us), and that's how I feel about me and others of my emigration generation at times.
*this is a profile of my strengths from a diagnostic test that Itook. one of my primary strength is "achiever", which to me finally explains why I'm a stereotypical good asian worker. I was rather disappointed. =P
*they all look the same.
30 yr. old Chinese American female
Q: Were you born in the U.S.? If not, where were you born?
A: No – Hong Kong
Q: What different cities, states, and/or countries have you lived in?
A: Hong Kong (10 yrs), Fremont (7 yrs), Boston (4 yrs), Berkeley (3 yrs), Oakland (almost 6 years)
Q: Which do you consider your hometown (‘the place you most consider home’):
A: Bay Area
Q: Involvements in clubs or organizations (ethnic or non-ethnic apply):
A: wow! This question makes me feel old, though I hope to get more involved in serving in some nonprofits soon. Right now only involvement at my church, First Covenant Church of Oakland.
Q: What gives purpose to your life?
A: To be of use to others
Q: What is the racial and ethnic background of your closest friends? If they are of multiple ethnic backgrounds feel free to indicate their backgrounds.
A: Chinese, specifically 2nd / 3rd generation Chinese-Americans. I think it came mostly from attending Chinese churches until very recently – so the people I interacted with in a deeply personal way just happened to be Chinese. But I don’t think I interact with them in a way that’s particularly “Asian”, or about “Asian issues”.
Q: When and how did you become aware of concepts of your race and/or ethnicity?
A: Just a disclaimer that I prefer to use the term “ethnicity” over “race” – the latter I feel is a weird American construct that lumps me in with people vastly different from me based on my skin color alone (though I probably don’t feel as cheated as people from a whole continent lumped in as “hispanic”). Thinking about these questions at work (with regard to culture’s influence on health behavior) got me kind of anal about the usage of “race”...I think I only use that word when I’m joking around now!
The very first time I became acutely aware of my ethnicity was probably on the night we immigrated. It wasn’t the first time I had been out of Hong Kong, but the first time it became clear to me that I was going to be different from the people around me for the long haul. Ironically, this realization came not while interacting with white people (ok I’m such a hypocrite – “Caucasians”, whatever that means), but with other Chinese people who were born here. I expected them to understand me since we looked the same, but quickly discovered that they were a whole different ethnic group and I couldn’t depend much on them to guide me in my adjustment. Starting school and not knowing the language also made me acutely aware of how I was different from others (while lots of kids made an effort to help me adjust, it was the 3 Chinese-American kids in my class who made fun of my speech and dress). I distinctly remember that because having “my own” turn from me was a such painful experience, I spent my teenage years trying to run away from facing my own ethnicity and trying really hard to blend in – losing my accent, not telling people where I was born, etc. Ironically, that made me more acceptable to the very peers that were hurtful.
The second time I thought about my ethnicity was in college, prompted by some creative writing classes I was taking. I was really forced to decide who I was going to be by going away to a college 3,000 miles away – it was a great time. Reading Jhumpa Lahiri and Amy Tan helped me to know that others had similar experiences of displacement and making difficult choices to survive emotionally through that change. Initially, the teacher gave us assignments to write about what we know – much of that being childhood memories b/c we were only 17 or 18(!), so in a sense I was forced to think about what I’d put away for 7 or 8 years at that point. Still, it took a few years to come to terms with my ethnic background (truly having grown up in 2 places – so, “Chinese-American” in a different sense than Chinese who were born here), and giving people a more complicated answer than they expect when they ask me where I’m from. Believe it or not, some of my high school friends didn’t know I wasn’t born here until I was in my early 20's because I never gave up that information!
The 3rd time was teaching English in China the 2nd time around. I was the only one on my team who didn’t grow up speaking Mandarin (even though they were all born in the US), and our liaison from China kept sticking it to me (“why don’t you speak Chinese [meaning Mandarin]?”, he’d say, and I’d think to myself “I do speak Chinese, just not YOUR kind of Chinese.”). It threw me into a lot of insecurity that summer (it was a horrible trip because of that), and I realize from that experience that I tend to emphasize a lot more that I’m from Hong Kong than China. Even now, when people ask me where I was born, I almost never say China because technically HK wasn’t a part of China at that point. I also became more aware of how growing up in a British colony also adds another spin to my ethnic background – it’s a strange mix of liking British things and being able to relate to British culture because they were present while I was growing up, but also feeling inadequate with your own ethnicity because that’s the nature of growing up in occupied land. On my first summer trip most of my students’ attitude was, “You poor thing, you’ve been deprived of culture from the Motherland, let me show you all the things you have to be proud of” – which was true, and they were very welcoming and not the least condescending. The 2nd trip was totally different, but I’m glad it worked out that way because I was able to separate the attitude of that one man from most Chinese that met in China.
Q: What language do your parents speak at home? What is their predominant language on an everyday basis?
A: Cantonese. Though when I talk to my parents, they speak Cantonese to me and I speak English back, mostly because I can’t say anything of consequence in Cantonese – my vocabularly is that of a 10 year old.
Q: What languages do you speak? What language do you speak most at home?
A: English with my husband. Though I’m conflicted about what to do when we have kids b/c my husband grew up speaking Mandarin and I speak Cantonese, and neither of us are very good at speaking those dialects now.
Q: What was the highest level of education your parents received (grade school, high school, community college, university, trade school, etc.)? What do your parents do for a living?
A: Mom went to teaching college (which she doesn’t consider a 4-year college, weirdly enough), and dad went to university. Mom was a teacher in Hong Kong, then worked in the ESL program for a few years here before switching over to real estate. My dad was an electrical engineer in Hong Kong, then became a businessman in the tech industry when we came here. They’re both retired now.
Q: Do you feel like their expectations of gender roles are ‘traditional’?
A: No.
Q: Have they ever expressed career expectations for you? What were those expectations?
A: Less so than for other Chinese-Americans I know. I think I put more pressure on myself to find a “useful” profession (i.e. in the sciences). I remember my parents pressuring me to do well in school (um, in all subjects, so that includes non-science and math subjects too), but not into specific professions. Though once I went into the sciences, there were occasional questions about when I was going to get my PhD (so I suppose there was pressure to get the highest academic degree you could in any given field), but I think that’s their old school understanding that you will go farther in a field, have more job security with the most advanced degree. So I know their advice came out of love and concern for me, not bragging rights to their friends (!). Growing up, I remember them being very supportive of my writing hobby and even suggested I take summer jobs doing that. Of course in my naivete (I wanted to build my resume – sheesh! If I could have those summers back...), I turned that down and worked in a LAB growing yeast instead.
Q: Have you ever dated outside of your ethnicity?
A: No, but I sure had crushes on boys of every ethnicity I could think of!
Q: What is your educational status?
A: I have a Master’s in Public Health
Q: How do you define academic success?
A: That’s a great question. Until very recently (like...until I was like 28), it meant I had to get an A in class, and it should come easily. Even after MIT (where I was a straight Bs and Cs student)! Now – it’s whether I get the concepts behind the material and can put it in some usable context.
Q: How do you define success in general?
A: That’s also a great question, and I really struggle with that even now. I suppose it’s whether you meet your stated goal, or some unexpected outcome that you can learn from, even if it’s a negative outcome. Sorry, I know that sounds lame because it’s vague.
Q: Throughout your time in school, how often did you encounter people who assumed you were smart because you were Asian?
A: Only a few times when I first immigrated here. But I was ahead in math (simply because they taught math faster there), so they may have been right to assume that I’d do better than they would in math class! But I never felt that way from junior high on – mostly, I think, because I was in the honors track, and then, well, when you go to MIT, there are Asians everywhere and you learn your place on the smartness totem pole very quickly, and I was *definitely* somewhere near the bottom there.
Q: Have you visited the country or countries of your ethnic origin/s?
A: Yes – both Hong Kong numerous times after we immigrated, and China for 2 summers.
Q: How knowledgeable are you about the history of the country or countries?
A: I really stink at it. In college I took a 20th century Chinese history class before going to China to teach; that, combined with having interacted with other Chinese my age there, I feel that I understand its recent history. But anything before the nationalist movement – forget it! My parents don’t really know very much either, so they weren’t really helpful when I had questions growing up.
Q: Please list at least 3 feelings you had while visiting.
A: Unable to express myself adequately (my Chinese is that of a 10 year old, and being someone who likes to connect with others on a deep level, it was really, really frustrating), shame (I may look it, but I’m not fully Chinese), finally understanding the ways we are similar and different.
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are of your ethnic group? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: Probably a 2 also. It just recently occurred to me that because of the massive waves of emigration from Hong Kong in the late 80’s (when Hong Kong’s handover plan back to China was announced, to take place in 1997), there is a whole generation of folks just like me here, in Canada (Vancouver and Toronto), and Australia. We have all found vastly different ways of adjusting – I have some childhood friends from that generation who are fully bicultural (I envy them – didn’t have the emotional strength for that!), who have chosen to “assimulate”, like me (I’m a little too cynical to use the term “acculturate” – I don’t think it happens very often b/c the host culture is not terribly open to incorporating the immigrants’ culture), and those who never learned English very well, prefer to be with other Chinese-speakers and longed to move back to Hong Kong (some of which finally did). So, when I’m with them, I don’t feel a huge sense of belonging simply because we’ve chosen many divergent ways of coping. I wish I could feel a greater sense of belonging though – I think we would have a lot to talk about.
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are Asian? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: Probably a 2. I actually feel quite uncomfortable being in the company of a large group of Asians – I don’t know if it’s from my initial difficult experiences with American-born Chinese, or from going to a Chinese church for years before deciding that a church full of Chinese people is not conducive to the growth of my faith at this point in my life.
Q: Do you listen to music, watch movies, eat the food of your ethnic country or countries? How often do you do these things on a regular basis on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very often)?
A: Food is around 4 – it’s the food that makes me feel most at home and crave when I’m sick! I’m not connected to Hong Kong movies or music though (1).
Q: Do you believe that one’s emotional needs are less important than fulfilling one’s responsibilities?
A: That’s also a great question. I used to think the latter, but now I’m learning to tend to the former.
A: No – Hong Kong
Q: What different cities, states, and/or countries have you lived in?
A: Hong Kong (10 yrs), Fremont (7 yrs), Boston (4 yrs), Berkeley (3 yrs), Oakland (almost 6 years)
Q: Which do you consider your hometown (‘the place you most consider home’):
A: Bay Area
Q: Involvements in clubs or organizations (ethnic or non-ethnic apply):
A: wow! This question makes me feel old, though I hope to get more involved in serving in some nonprofits soon. Right now only involvement at my church, First Covenant Church of Oakland.
Q: What gives purpose to your life?
A: To be of use to others
Q: What is the racial and ethnic background of your closest friends? If they are of multiple ethnic backgrounds feel free to indicate their backgrounds.
A: Chinese, specifically 2nd / 3rd generation Chinese-Americans. I think it came mostly from attending Chinese churches until very recently – so the people I interacted with in a deeply personal way just happened to be Chinese. But I don’t think I interact with them in a way that’s particularly “Asian”, or about “Asian issues”.
Q: When and how did you become aware of concepts of your race and/or ethnicity?
A: Just a disclaimer that I prefer to use the term “ethnicity” over “race” – the latter I feel is a weird American construct that lumps me in with people vastly different from me based on my skin color alone (though I probably don’t feel as cheated as people from a whole continent lumped in as “hispanic”). Thinking about these questions at work (with regard to culture’s influence on health behavior) got me kind of anal about the usage of “race”...I think I only use that word when I’m joking around now!
The very first time I became acutely aware of my ethnicity was probably on the night we immigrated. It wasn’t the first time I had been out of Hong Kong, but the first time it became clear to me that I was going to be different from the people around me for the long haul. Ironically, this realization came not while interacting with white people (ok I’m such a hypocrite – “Caucasians”, whatever that means), but with other Chinese people who were born here. I expected them to understand me since we looked the same, but quickly discovered that they were a whole different ethnic group and I couldn’t depend much on them to guide me in my adjustment. Starting school and not knowing the language also made me acutely aware of how I was different from others (while lots of kids made an effort to help me adjust, it was the 3 Chinese-American kids in my class who made fun of my speech and dress). I distinctly remember that because having “my own” turn from me was a such painful experience, I spent my teenage years trying to run away from facing my own ethnicity and trying really hard to blend in – losing my accent, not telling people where I was born, etc. Ironically, that made me more acceptable to the very peers that were hurtful.
The second time I thought about my ethnicity was in college, prompted by some creative writing classes I was taking. I was really forced to decide who I was going to be by going away to a college 3,000 miles away – it was a great time. Reading Jhumpa Lahiri and Amy Tan helped me to know that others had similar experiences of displacement and making difficult choices to survive emotionally through that change. Initially, the teacher gave us assignments to write about what we know – much of that being childhood memories b/c we were only 17 or 18(!), so in a sense I was forced to think about what I’d put away for 7 or 8 years at that point. Still, it took a few years to come to terms with my ethnic background (truly having grown up in 2 places – so, “Chinese-American” in a different sense than Chinese who were born here), and giving people a more complicated answer than they expect when they ask me where I’m from. Believe it or not, some of my high school friends didn’t know I wasn’t born here until I was in my early 20's because I never gave up that information!
The 3rd time was teaching English in China the 2nd time around. I was the only one on my team who didn’t grow up speaking Mandarin (even though they were all born in the US), and our liaison from China kept sticking it to me (“why don’t you speak Chinese [meaning Mandarin]?”, he’d say, and I’d think to myself “I do speak Chinese, just not YOUR kind of Chinese.”). It threw me into a lot of insecurity that summer (it was a horrible trip because of that), and I realize from that experience that I tend to emphasize a lot more that I’m from Hong Kong than China. Even now, when people ask me where I was born, I almost never say China because technically HK wasn’t a part of China at that point. I also became more aware of how growing up in a British colony also adds another spin to my ethnic background – it’s a strange mix of liking British things and being able to relate to British culture because they were present while I was growing up, but also feeling inadequate with your own ethnicity because that’s the nature of growing up in occupied land. On my first summer trip most of my students’ attitude was, “You poor thing, you’ve been deprived of culture from the Motherland, let me show you all the things you have to be proud of” – which was true, and they were very welcoming and not the least condescending. The 2nd trip was totally different, but I’m glad it worked out that way because I was able to separate the attitude of that one man from most Chinese that met in China.
Q: What language do your parents speak at home? What is their predominant language on an everyday basis?
A: Cantonese. Though when I talk to my parents, they speak Cantonese to me and I speak English back, mostly because I can’t say anything of consequence in Cantonese – my vocabularly is that of a 10 year old.
Q: What languages do you speak? What language do you speak most at home?
A: English with my husband. Though I’m conflicted about what to do when we have kids b/c my husband grew up speaking Mandarin and I speak Cantonese, and neither of us are very good at speaking those dialects now.
Q: What was the highest level of education your parents received (grade school, high school, community college, university, trade school, etc.)? What do your parents do for a living?
A: Mom went to teaching college (which she doesn’t consider a 4-year college, weirdly enough), and dad went to university. Mom was a teacher in Hong Kong, then worked in the ESL program for a few years here before switching over to real estate. My dad was an electrical engineer in Hong Kong, then became a businessman in the tech industry when we came here. They’re both retired now.
Q: Do you feel like their expectations of gender roles are ‘traditional’?
A: No.
Q: Have they ever expressed career expectations for you? What were those expectations?
A: Less so than for other Chinese-Americans I know. I think I put more pressure on myself to find a “useful” profession (i.e. in the sciences). I remember my parents pressuring me to do well in school (um, in all subjects, so that includes non-science and math subjects too), but not into specific professions. Though once I went into the sciences, there were occasional questions about when I was going to get my PhD (so I suppose there was pressure to get the highest academic degree you could in any given field), but I think that’s their old school understanding that you will go farther in a field, have more job security with the most advanced degree. So I know their advice came out of love and concern for me, not bragging rights to their friends (!). Growing up, I remember them being very supportive of my writing hobby and even suggested I take summer jobs doing that. Of course in my naivete (I wanted to build my resume – sheesh! If I could have those summers back...), I turned that down and worked in a LAB growing yeast instead.
Q: Have you ever dated outside of your ethnicity?
A: No, but I sure had crushes on boys of every ethnicity I could think of!
Q: What is your educational status?
A: I have a Master’s in Public Health
Q: How do you define academic success?
A: That’s a great question. Until very recently (like...until I was like 28), it meant I had to get an A in class, and it should come easily. Even after MIT (where I was a straight Bs and Cs student)! Now – it’s whether I get the concepts behind the material and can put it in some usable context.
Q: How do you define success in general?
A: That’s also a great question, and I really struggle with that even now. I suppose it’s whether you meet your stated goal, or some unexpected outcome that you can learn from, even if it’s a negative outcome. Sorry, I know that sounds lame because it’s vague.
Q: Throughout your time in school, how often did you encounter people who assumed you were smart because you were Asian?
A: Only a few times when I first immigrated here. But I was ahead in math (simply because they taught math faster there), so they may have been right to assume that I’d do better than they would in math class! But I never felt that way from junior high on – mostly, I think, because I was in the honors track, and then, well, when you go to MIT, there are Asians everywhere and you learn your place on the smartness totem pole very quickly, and I was *definitely* somewhere near the bottom there.
Q: Have you visited the country or countries of your ethnic origin/s?
A: Yes – both Hong Kong numerous times after we immigrated, and China for 2 summers.
Q: How knowledgeable are you about the history of the country or countries?
A: I really stink at it. In college I took a 20th century Chinese history class before going to China to teach; that, combined with having interacted with other Chinese my age there, I feel that I understand its recent history. But anything before the nationalist movement – forget it! My parents don’t really know very much either, so they weren’t really helpful when I had questions growing up.
Q: Please list at least 3 feelings you had while visiting.
A: Unable to express myself adequately (my Chinese is that of a 10 year old, and being someone who likes to connect with others on a deep level, it was really, really frustrating), shame (I may look it, but I’m not fully Chinese), finally understanding the ways we are similar and different.
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are of your ethnic group? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: Probably a 2 also. It just recently occurred to me that because of the massive waves of emigration from Hong Kong in the late 80’s (when Hong Kong’s handover plan back to China was announced, to take place in 1997), there is a whole generation of folks just like me here, in Canada (Vancouver and Toronto), and Australia. We have all found vastly different ways of adjusting – I have some childhood friends from that generation who are fully bicultural (I envy them – didn’t have the emotional strength for that!), who have chosen to “assimulate”, like me (I’m a little too cynical to use the term “acculturate” – I don’t think it happens very often b/c the host culture is not terribly open to incorporating the immigrants’ culture), and those who never learned English very well, prefer to be with other Chinese-speakers and longed to move back to Hong Kong (some of which finally did). So, when I’m with them, I don’t feel a huge sense of belonging simply because we’ve chosen many divergent ways of coping. I wish I could feel a greater sense of belonging though – I think we would have a lot to talk about.
Q: Do you feel a sense of belonging when you are in the company of people, a majority who are Asian? How strongly do you feel this on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very strongly)?
A: Probably a 2. I actually feel quite uncomfortable being in the company of a large group of Asians – I don’t know if it’s from my initial difficult experiences with American-born Chinese, or from going to a Chinese church for years before deciding that a church full of Chinese people is not conducive to the growth of my faith at this point in my life.
Q: Do you listen to music, watch movies, eat the food of your ethnic country or countries? How often do you do these things on a regular basis on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being not at all, 5 being very often)?
A: Food is around 4 – it’s the food that makes me feel most at home and crave when I’m sick! I’m not connected to Hong Kong movies or music though (1).
Q: Do you believe that one’s emotional needs are less important than fulfilling one’s responsibilities?
A: That’s also a great question. I used to think the latter, but now I’m learning to tend to the former.
"My Everyday Life & What is most important to me"- 26 yr. old Chinese American female
*Doing well in my job.
*being able to enjoy a good book, a good song and some good shopping. Oh, and noodles.
*Being able to make someone happy (Grace at On Lok)
*My boyfriend
*what is most important to me
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